There are several ways of doing this, but here's a new one I discovered yesterday.
1) Go shopping, a few hours earlier than usual.
2) Notice that the professional kitchenware shop that is nearly always closed, and whose windows you normally gaze longingly into, is actually open.
3) Spend half an hour lusting after all the bits of kit you want, but only buy a slightly exotic Cook's Hat.
4) Do the rest of the shopping.
5) Rush home and head straight for the bathroom.
6) Unwrap your new hat. Put it on, and admire yourself in the mirror.
7) Wander nonchalantly into the kitchen, put away the groceries, and wait for your wife to notice your cute new headgear.
8) Try not to get upset as she laughs her leg off for half an hour.
Iluvit. And I'm sure if I put my mind to it, I could balance a stack of pizza bases on it.
Provisions for a Migrant Voyage to Canada (1851.)
10 hours ago