Never Mind The Bollocks. Pvnk.

At last week's Madrid Writer's Group meeting, I was involved in a conversation between two of the members. They were wondering who was the first person to say the word 'fuck' on television, and suspected it was to do with the Sex Pistols. I had to step in: I thought it was Kennneth Tynan - and I was right, clever old me. But then I had to tell my Sex Pistols story.

The Sex Pistols became notorious after their appearance on the 'Today' program hosted by Bill Grundy (broadcast in the London area only) . After an apparently inebriated Grundy had made a pass at Siouxsie Sioux, the following dialogue ensued between SP member Steve Jones and Grundy:

Jones: You dirty sod. You dirty old man.
Grundy: Well keep going chief, keep going. Go on. You've got another five seconds. Say something outrageous.
Jones: You dirty bastard.
Grundy: Go on, again.
Jones: You dirty fucker.
Grundy: What a clever boy.
Jones: What a fucking rotter.

This was in 1977: the olden days. Subsequent to that, the Sex Pistols became more famous than God and were banned from performing pretty much anywhere in the UK.

As luck would have it, in the summer of 77, Ratbag (ex-gf) and I were going on holiday to Penzance in Cornwall. About as far from anywhere in the UK as you can get. Before we set off, I had read in the NME (New Musical Express - my weekly bible at the time) that a band called SPOTS were embarking on a national tour. They hinted that the name stood for 'Sex Pistols On Tour Secretly.' When we got to Penzance, I saw posters for SPOTS at the Winter Gardens. Woo-hoo!

We got tickets, and queued in the rain for the doors to be opened. There were kids in the queue who had ripped their best school shirts and dyed their hair blue or pink. The dye was not waterproof, and they had streams of blue or pink staining their faces and shirts. Nobody in the audience looked like a punk. But the guys on stage did. We all knew we were witnessing something historic, and it was no surprise when we discovered that they couldn't play their instruments (actually it was only SidVicious who really couldn't play), and the singing was somewhat crap.

So now you know; cuddly old Keefieboy is a closet punk.